Tested by the Light

At first, upon awakening, I did not recognize the 'world' I had been visiting. As I pondered it, however, flashes of insight soon clarified that I had, in fact, been on familiar spectral turf, simply at an earlier time or a much later time, rendering it somewhat unfamiliar. It was the world of massive cities, monster waves, endless lodging complexes, swimming pools big enough to have tides and an almost beehive social structure. More on that later. In the beginning this time I was already a known member off the society, but of low standing, snubbed and looked down on - a loner with too much pride for my station, but finally determined to move up. For unlike caste societies it is possible to be upwardly mobile - if you have the nerve. The method was kept a deep secret, which added to the fear factor - few outside those born to the upper echelon were willing to dare the unknown test/challenge/trial. You only got one chance, and failure sent you right back to the common mass with no loss of actual status, but the knowledge of that failure as a mark of shame. I was sure that many more had tried and failed without ever having told anyone of the attempt simply to avoid having to admit defeat to friends. I was also fairly sure that many of those who were the most rigid, intolerant and spiteful were those secret failures. So I decided to be different - I told all of my friends what I planned, ignored praise and condemnation alike, and simply waited for the day assigned while going about my business as usual. As the day came closer only the highest optimists and nastiest defeatists remained - the others sort of faded into a watchful background to see the outcome. For win or lose, there would be no hiding the result. On the appointed day I was greeted solicitously by a group of upper echelon medics, with a wheelchair close at hand and guarded concern on their faces. I was offered the opportunity to sit in the wheelchair for the trial - they seemed to assume I would be in it by the end anyway - so I thanked them graciously and affirmed my intention to stand. They could not refuse, and simply told me where to stand. There would be a deep interrogation, I was told, but not the form it would take. This seemed odd - why would I need a wheelchair after a bunch of questions? But there was no answer forthcoming and I retained my dignity by refusing to beg for the not-forthcoming clues. At last, dressed in a white short robe - a cross between an acolytes robe and a hospital gown - I was left alone in a room facing the direction prescribed. The lights went down, then suddenly I was struck by a force that rocked my on my feet - not a physical battering but a sort of intense combination of light and heat that was so powerful I was nearly knocked down. Instinctively I had closed my eyes against the glare, but realized that the intensity was only initially intolerable after the darkness in which I had been standing. Cautiously I opened my eyes and was not blinded, though everything around me was slightly blurry. That seemed more a result of a sort of vibration I was feeling. This force, whatever it was, seemed electromagnetic in nature, yet intelligent. My entire being was literally being inspected from the inside - every cell was being examined, every thought scrutinized, every dream noted. At first I had stood there, head down against the seeming glare, but as it seemed I was not being harmed I gradually raised my head until I stood proudly at attention - or perhaps parade rest - relaxed, but attentive. Whatever was happening I no longer felt fear - only intense curiosity - and I sensed that my response pleased the interrogator. I had entered willingly into this trial, not knowing what I was up against, aware that failure was a distinct possibility, but determined to dare it for the benefits that would accrue. Not even so much for those, though they were certainly attractive - more for the satisfaction of having finally made a move that wasn't dictated by fear. Once I had lifted my chin I found that I could literally lean into the insubstantial 'wind' of this force - it seemed to be made of light and heat and vibration and thought all at once, but palpable as a strong wind. Then, as suddenly as it had begun it was over. I staggered slightly, but retained my footing and was standing tall when the medics and others opened the door. Normal lights seemed dim and - boring - after the intensity I had just experienced. As it hit me that I had passed inspection/interrogation - the test - I felt a euphoria like nothing ever before. Not so much that I had done something - what had I done, after all, except dare the unknown? But when I had felt the Light probing into my very being I had willingly opened myself for the inspection, not attempting to hide anything. Not that any such attempt would have availed, but there is a difference that comes from the attitude of freely offering myself. I was a little light headed, but absolutely happy. The 'drones' buzzed around me, checking for burns I guess - I was too caught up in the rapture of the moment to care what they did. They took the wheelchair away as I continued to stand, with every appearance of one awestruck and dazed - which was accurate. Finally I was given a warm robe to put on over my acolyte robe - for which I was grateful. After that deep internal heat (microwave level perhaps?) I was feeling chilled as well as bleary. Sudden cramps, nausea, forced me to find a seat, and I curled around the sudden empty feeling - like a vacuum in my gut. It passed in a minute - as though the lat of the interrogator had finally left me. The others barely took note of that momentary weakness - they had seen far worse - hence the wheelchair. Apparently many - most in fact - postulants were willing to take the test from the chair to avoid the discomfort or humiliation of falling down under the intensity of the test. A few had opted to try standing but sat quickly once the test was underway. I was the only one of a very few who had remained erect for the entire test, but was the only one found staring upward, rather than with closed eyes downcast. When one young woman hesitantly asked me about that - sotto voce to avoid being reprimanded by the others - I told her that my one regret was not having lifted my head sooner once I had realized I could lean into the force and be supported by it. That had been my clue that all was well, that this was not a destructive or punitive thing. In fact my new deep knowledge told me that in the course of the inspection all disease, bad bacteria had been destroyed, flaws in my structure repaired. I was better than new. I was presented with my new 'uniform' - an upper class outfit that fit beautifully yet comfortably, complete with a pair of high heeled shoe that told anyone looking at me that I had passed the test. Then I was led to a room - my new quarters - with a large comfortable bed. Apparently no matter how well previous postulants had fared they all required at least a full night of sleep afterwards, if not a day or two in bed. I lay down - it was indeed comfortable - but shortly got up, donned my new clothes - including those shoes - and headed out to see the world though my new eyes. It was a matter of pride as much as anything else; I wanted to see and be seen! There was a faint lurking fear that perhaps I was being too proud - that this would backlash on me - but in the back of my mind I heard/felt an indulgent chuckle that told me it was OK. So, while I didn't know if this new inhabitant in my head was a permanent fixture, a temporary guest while I got my bearings, or simply a part of me that had been there all along and I hadn't detected, it didn't matter. As with the test itself I was resolved to face this unknown with head high and accept what happened next. As for the shoes - I had never done well with heels, but these fit perfectly, and with my new euphoria like a string out of the top of my head holding me up, I found them quite comfortable and easy to walk in. So I strutted. The test had been scheduled late in the day, apparently because of the usual need for sleep afterwards, so the corridors of the complex were nowhere near as busy as usual. However I was gratified to see a few people I knew, including some who knew of my test. The ones who had mocked, scoffed and been negative took in my attire and attitude and by their nature either greeted me with new deference, some tinged with resentment - I had not seen fit to fail, per their expectations - or slunk away as if they hadn't seen me. It didn't matter to me. I had accomplished what I had set out to do, and was a new person now. Of those who had been supportive, oddly, the split was almost even with the same responses as the pessimists, except for a precious few who sincerely congratulated me with no resentment or fear. Those I recommended to take the test themselves. The best was when I encountered those of the upper class who had acknowledged my existence before the test. Most simply greeted me as though they had know me all along as one of their own - saving face against astonishment. A couple were curious enough to ask questions - like when had I taken the test - obviously assuming I had slept a day and a night after the 'ordeal'. They were honestly amazed when I informed them that I had only just completed it, and had not felt the need for sleep, but rather the need to walk off exhilaration. There were a couple knowing smiles, a couple wistful sighs, and then simple acceptance. There would be the usual social adjustments, but nobody could challenge my new status. I wondered, however, how many of them had that little voice in their heads...